I can’t find you. I’ve tried long enough not to look for you and in doing so; met the worst of you. My mum spotted you a couple of months ago at a baby shower. She recalls you being the sweetest thing there. She said, “Why don’t you meet my son?”
You just laughed.
She never saw you again.
My mum couldn’t make out what race you were. How comfortable are you around Black people? I’m not sure if I’m comfortable if you were of a different race, but I’m always open to new things.
I’ve got a couple of things to say to you, give to you, do to you; but I have to find you first. I managed to clear my relationship debts with some ex’s and I’m finally in the clear to give you my all. No misdirected emotion, wandering eyes. Can you hear me and do you believe me?
Funny I should say that because maybe that’s where you are right now. Maybe you are in a dead end relationship and you can’t get out. You’ve been dating that same guy who took your virginity 3 years ago; so he has to be the one. Or maybe you went through a difficult period in your life with him, so you think you owe him. Well, sweetheart, it’s been 4 years already and all you have are those years. Let me not put any pressure on you. I mean, we haven’t even met yet. LOL!
I’m just saying that if the universal laws of attraction are trying to bring us together, embrace them with open arms because I will.
Let me go so you can think about your life and where you want to be. I can’t wait to meet you. Is that you in my train car with the headphones on? Is that you on your mobile phone in front of the Asian lady in the bank? Is that you arguing with that big guy? Well, if the last one is you...I’m glad we are about to meet...
From my book,
'The Tall Black Guy In The Specs'
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Emotions for you; my Demon Lover.
I love you girl. I hate you for not taking advantage of me when you knew you had the chance to.
I can’t have you and it hurts. You’ve been hurt by someone and it’ll take you years to heal.
Just when I thought I was over you, we have a moment and I’m thinking of making you my own again.
If you do know what you are doing to me…fuck you!
If you don’t know what you are doing to me…I love you!
If it wasn’t for those few hours we had together, I would be alright. But they were good and I had missed you; your smile, hands, touch, hug, laugh. I know you missed me to. Fuck Hohea for ruining everyone’s life and your ability to love so freely.
“I hear u girl. M gna marry u. u wait & c”
Recipient +447787760484 01.09.2007
“Hey, m not good at goodbyes. I get all emotional. U probably know all that I haven’t said & r smiling that, aww, how sweet! Hv a gud flyt, will keep in touch. Sgc"
Recipient +447787760484 02.09.2007
From my book,
'The Tall Black Guy In The Specs'
I can’t have you and it hurts. You’ve been hurt by someone and it’ll take you years to heal.
Just when I thought I was over you, we have a moment and I’m thinking of making you my own again.
If you do know what you are doing to me…fuck you!
If you don’t know what you are doing to me…I love you!
If it wasn’t for those few hours we had together, I would be alright. But they were good and I had missed you; your smile, hands, touch, hug, laugh. I know you missed me to. Fuck Hohea for ruining everyone’s life and your ability to love so freely.
“I hear u girl. M gna marry u. u wait & c”
Recipient +447787760484 01.09.2007
“Hey, m not good at goodbyes. I get all emotional. U probably know all that I haven’t said & r smiling that, aww, how sweet! Hv a gud flyt, will keep in touch. Sgc"
Recipient +447787760484 02.09.2007
From my book,
'The Tall Black Guy In The Specs'
Enough Funerals For A Lifetime
6 June 1988 - 28 June 1988
Ammon, my little brother. I was so proud to have a little brother and finally be a big brother. I remember bringing my friends into mum’s room to show you off, do you remember?
We lost you to Pneumonia in 3 weeks and I wasn’t a big brother anymore.
You had a tiny little white coffin my brother.
Dad was supposed to give a speech at your funeral, but choked.
Silence.
2 June 1946 - 21 January 1993
The white flag goes up by our gate and relatives start turning up. Had to give up my room to some aunt I didn’t even know. My best friend comes by and we talk by my driveway. He is still in his St. John’s High school uniform.
He says to me, “…you’re so unlucky man”
He is not the best with words but I know he meant well. I’ve never forgotten those words though.
I’m standing by your coffin dad. I look at you but you don’t look at me. I can’t move. I guess this is the last time I’ll be seeing you. I know it hurts you leaving me like this. It hurts me too. I thought you would live forever. See your grandkids. See me become the President.
Mrs. Chibanda leads me away although I really didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to stand there forever.
To the short man who made a scene because he was drunk at Dad’s funeral. Fuck you! You were drunk out of your nut and disrespected everyone. I was embarrassed that we shared the same last name. I was angry and still am. You got sick and died two days later.
Enough is enough.
From my book,
'The Tall Black Guy In The Specs'
Ammon, my little brother. I was so proud to have a little brother and finally be a big brother. I remember bringing my friends into mum’s room to show you off, do you remember?
We lost you to Pneumonia in 3 weeks and I wasn’t a big brother anymore.
You had a tiny little white coffin my brother.
Dad was supposed to give a speech at your funeral, but choked.
Silence.
2 June 1946 - 21 January 1993
The white flag goes up by our gate and relatives start turning up. Had to give up my room to some aunt I didn’t even know. My best friend comes by and we talk by my driveway. He is still in his St. John’s High school uniform.
He says to me, “…you’re so unlucky man”
He is not the best with words but I know he meant well. I’ve never forgotten those words though.
I’m standing by your coffin dad. I look at you but you don’t look at me. I can’t move. I guess this is the last time I’ll be seeing you. I know it hurts you leaving me like this. It hurts me too. I thought you would live forever. See your grandkids. See me become the President.
Mrs. Chibanda leads me away although I really didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to stand there forever.
To the short man who made a scene because he was drunk at Dad’s funeral. Fuck you! You were drunk out of your nut and disrespected everyone. I was embarrassed that we shared the same last name. I was angry and still am. You got sick and died two days later.
Enough is enough.
From my book,
'The Tall Black Guy In The Specs'
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